cashews and macadamia nuts

Not as good as it should be.

As promised ...

You like corn nuts? Yes? You like garlic? Yes yes? You like LOTS of garlic? Oh dear god yes!!! Boy Bawang is the uber-garlicky supersonic extreme crunch snack from the Phillippines!!! Like the packet says, "agkasarap-sarap!" You better believe it, buster! Those mad women and men on that island somewhere in the Pacific have conquered the world of crunch and head-exploding hot garlic. Just look at that garlic guy! He's all business and he starts punching your head with his giant garlic fist from the very first CRUNCH. And he doesn't stop, even after you've stopped crunching! He's a dedicated garlic guy from the Phillippines, and he has your best snacking interests at heart. He won't leave until he's sure you've had the most extreme snacking experience possible. Doritos are pussy chips!! He is fond of saying. You may be puzzled by his assertions, but you cannot deny the deliciousness that is Boy Bawang!

Not-So-Yummy in My Tummy

So this post is not about snack food. It's not that I haven't been eating yummy snacks at my desk, because I most certainly have. It's because I don't have another blog in which to recount my agonizing saga, and I don't really feel like starting a new one. It's not like anyone reads this one anyway, so what does it matter? I make the rules here, so suck it up, bitches! Hypothetical bitches, of course, because no one is reading this. If you're reading this, I don't really think you're a bitch. I actually think you're a very nice person for taking the time to look at my blog. How are you doing today? You look well. Oh, me? Funny you should ask!

I've got these freakish and disgusting sacks of blood attached to my ovaries, if you must know. They are causing me so much pain I can't even tell you. I have been on Percocet 24/7 since mid-June. For 2 weeks before that I was trying to manage the pain with Tylenol 3 and Advil. Ha! Ha ha ha ha! Oh, mercy! My heating pad is my new best friend. Kitty likes it too. She's not in any pain, as far as I know, but she likes to sleep on it. Anyway, it's a condition called endometriosis, and I've had it since about 1998. Two surgeries already; the first one was to remove 2 cysts, one of which was as big as a basketball (I had waited a long time to see a gyn because I was living in the States and had no health insurance). Amazingly, I had nowhere near the amount of pain prior to the first surgery as I do now. I think it's because as a result of the 2 surgeries, and because I've had the condition for nearly 10 years, I have lesions and adhesions in that area. Basically the surrounding organs all get in on the action, getting little sticky, swelly bits stuck to them. Each month the endometrial tissue, which has wandered outside the uterus, accumulates and becomes enflamed. Except for the past three + months, instead of only having excruciating pain for about a week a month, I have had excruciating pain constantly, and sheer white-hot agony for one week stretches.

During this time I have managed to go to work (on the bus, mind you) on a fairly regular basis, and organize a move to a new apartment. The latter was an ordeal unto itself, and I'm still patting myself on the back for getting through it successfully without hurting myself further or suffering a nervous breakdown (though it was close). Of course, I had plenty of help from Mr. Koko and Mr. Koko's Mom. And from Percocet. Beautiful, terrible Percocet. After my surgery next week I will commence the weaning process. I will gradually say goodbye to my dear, gentle friend. He eases the pain in so many ways.

So there you have it. This is me fishing for sympathy, casting the old line out into the still water and hoping for a bite. I know that there are others who have it much worse than I do, and at a time like this I find myself counting my blessings much more than I usually do. But you know, when you're in tremendous pain for a long time, you want people to know about it. It's not life-threatening, but I may lose my girl-parts this time around. Not like I was going to use them for anything, mind you, but they do make certain necessary chemicals which I was hoping to use for a while longer. But Dr. Lee seems confident I should be able to keep them. We shall see.

Cross fingers September 21!

Next post ... BOY BAWANG!!!!

Licorice Allsorts

I have a jar of these on my file cabinet, but for some reason I'm the only one eating them. I say to people, "hey, I've got licorice. Do you like licorice?" And they say "sure!" But they never come round. They are LIARS. They are LYING SCUM LIARS.

pea?

Farmer Joe just stopped by my cubicle and said, "pea?" and dropped 3 fresh pea pods on my desk. While I appreciate the farm-fresh produce, WTF am I supposed to do with 3 pea pods? Crunch on them like green, fibrous, non-chocolate-covered-wafer-free Kit Kats? I have naught to dip them in, not a dollop of Ranch nor a smudge of Bleu Cheese. Sigh.

Yes, I do work with a guy named Joe, who owns a farm. He has a llama, ducks, and "chickens bigger than me", he tells me.

musty, with a rancid finish

The exciting thing about eating fresh cherries is, no matter how carefully you inspect each one, eventually you'll bite into a moldy one. Surprise! I taste like a basement!

Starburst Fruit Chews (original)

A burst of refreshing fruit flavor for you! Didn't the old commercial for these used to feature some people on a luge ride or something? Maybe I'm dreaming it. I'm not really hungry, but I'm eating these to stay awake as I work. I had to take 4 Tylenol 3's this morning. I bet if the searing abdominal pain returns it'll pep me up good. Although, I'd rather have mouthwatering orange and lucious strawberry than searing abdominal pain. No, heroin. They don't have that in the vending machine though. I've never tried it before, does it come in orange flavor? I should be at home sleeping.